| Life as we know it
is already odd and unsettling. So for
true surrealism, we are right back with
documentary photography. - Judy
Jones and William Wilson from An Incomplete
| It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make
sense. - Mark Twain
| We have met the enemy
and he is us. - Walt Kelly's Pogo
|All of the significant battles are waged within the self. - Wu-men
| Time, space, and causality
are only metaphors of knowledge, with
which we explain things to ourselves. - Friedrich Nietzsche
| All pigs are equal,
but some pigs are more equal than others. - George Orwell
| Vanity of vanities.
All is vanity. The thing that hath been,
it is that which shall be; and that which
is done is that which shall be done: and
there is no new thing under the sun. - Ecclesiastes
| To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose. - Ecclesiastes
| The Supreme Court has
made its decision, now let them enforce
it. - President Andrew Jackson,
responding to the Supreme Court decision Worcester v. Georgia (1832).
|No matter whether the constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns. -
Finley Peter Dunne as Mr. Dooley
|A man has more fun wishing for the things he hasn't got than enjoying the things he has got. - Finley
Peter Dunne as Mr. Dooley
|Trust everybody, but cut the cards. - Finley Peter Dunne as Mr. Dooley
| If a man wants to strangle
his wife and throw her in the kitchen
sink, let him do it any way he wants to.
If he's doing it awkwardly, or not the
way I'd do it, all right -- it's a good
job so long as he gets her into the sink,
completely strangled. - Lejaren
A. Hiller, Sr.
| Today is the tomorrow
you worried about yesterday. Attributed
to Dale Carnegie.
| A cynic is a man who
knows the price of everything but the
value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde
| People are
just like farm equipment. They
rust out quicker
than they wear
out. – Colonel
| Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -- Mark Twain
|There are more salted peanuts consumed than caviar. - Mickey Spillane
| As we grow older, we move from the illusion of certainty to the certainty of illusion.
- Paraphrased from a quote attributed to Sam Keen
| His use of an accordion
section in his arrangements, steadfast
rhythmic beat, and sentimentalized tempi
imparted to his renditions a rudimentary
sound quality that made him a favorite
with undiscriminating audiences. - Nicolas Slomimsky writing about Lawrence
| Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin
pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.
- Garrison Keillor
|We live in a world where losing your cellular phone is way more dramatic than losing your virginity. - Nick Brundle (2016)
| Fashion is more usually a gentle progression of revisited ideas. - Bruce Oldfield
| The novelties of one generation are only the resuscitated fashions of the generation before
last. - George Bernard Shaw
Do you destroy every vehicle you get into?
- Izabella Scorupco as Natalya Simonova to Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (007) in the motion picture GoldenEye
| What is it with you and moving vehicles? - Izabella Scorupco as Natalya Simonova to Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (007) in the motion picture GoldenEye
|I haven't seen Iowa people get so excited since the night Frank Gotch and Strangler Lewis lay on the mat for three and a half hours without moving a muscle. - Meredith Wilson, as Mayor Shinn in The Music Man.
| Did you find anything missing? - Victor
| Dropped my watch. -
| It ain't over till
it's over. - Yogi Berra
| It's like deja vu all
over again. - Yogi Berra
| When you come to a
fork in the road, take it. - Yogi
| I knew I was going
to take the wrong train, so I left early.
- Yogi Berra
| Nobody goes there any
more, it's too crowded - Yogi Berra
| Baseball is ninety
percent mental. The other half is physical.
- Yogi Berra
| Man was not made to
travel faster than a baseball - Yogi
| If people don't want
to come to the ballpark, how are you gonna
stop them? - Yogi Berra
|The future ain't what it used to be. - Yogi Berra
| You can observe a lot by watching - Yogi
|The quieter you become, the more you can hear. - Baba Ram Dass
| It ain't nothing
until I call it - Attributed to both Charles Moran and Bill
league baseball umpires, referring
to the metaphysical existence of balls and strikes.
| If you don't think you are out, read the morning newspaper - Bill McGowan,
major league baseball umpire.
| Maybe I called it wrong, but it's official - Tom Connally, major league baseball umpire.
| If you loose something you never had, how can you find it? - Paul
| When the quotations of Yogi Berra and Paul Clement can be understood implicitly, then a
higher level of consciousness has been reached. - Jeffrey Sward
| A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though
we do not love it - Dogen Zenji
| If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you
expect to find it? - Dogen Zenji
| All truth is very ordinary. - Brian Perkins
| There is more than one path up the mountain. - Zen aphorism
| There is always something wrong with everything. - Zen
| The cloud rises in the sky suddenly and then is gone without a trace. -- paraphrased from Ma-tsu
| Drawing a pattern on the water is neither born nor passes away.-- paraphrased from Ma-tsu
| Things are not what they seem nor are they otherwise.-- Lankavatara Sutra
Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.- William S. Gilbert
|Water which is too pure has no fish. - Ts'ai Ken T'an
If you already knew the flame was fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago. - Hsin Hsin Ming
|We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want. - Lao Tzu
| The cup must first be empty before it can be filled anew. - Jeffrey Sward
|To be empty is to be empty of something - Zen aphorism
|If you do not get it from yourself, where will you go for it? - Zen aphorism
|The Tao abides in non-action, yet nothing is left undone. - Lao Tzu
|Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Zen aphorism
|Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision. - Hsi-Tang
|Life is the only thing worth living for. - Wu-men
|Life is a can of tuna. It's messy. It stinks. You can fit all the good bit in one bowl. Some cans are better than others and every now and then a bone pops out. But you still eat it. - Darby Conley as Bucky in Get Fuzzy
| Life is a meaningless
experience into which we all try to imbue
as much meaning as possible. - The
|Life is a stagnant pool where the only diversion is swatting mosquitoes. - The
|Life is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink. - Shunryu Suzuki
|Life is being forced to participate in a drama and role not of your choosing which ends abruptly and badly. - Jeffrey Sward
| The play's the thing - William Shakespeare
|A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving -- Lao Tsu
|When you flee from a wolft you run into a bear. -- Finnish proverb
|The best thing about remembering the past is forgetting what would have made you happy. - The
| You sag more if you
have more to sag. - The
|There are no guarantees in life. - The
| Guarantees are not part of this world we live in - Jerry Brown, Jr.
| If you do not know
where you are going then you are certain
to get there - Jeffrey
| A well-formed sense of denial
can overcome any
level of reality. - Jeffrey Sward
| Ethics in business is an oxymoron. - Jeffrey Sward
|Taxonomic lexicon is another word for thesaurus. - Jeffrey Sward
|The best photographs on display at county fairs are inevitably taken by sixth graders. This is because sixth
graders have not yet had their aesthetics corrupted by The Gospel According to Eastman Kodak or other similar
expressions of vapid sentimentality. - Jeffrey
not real. Rather, photographs are
merely an abstraction of what
might once have existed. - Jeffrey
|You will never look like the girl in the magazine. The girl in the magazine doesn't look like the girl in the magazine. – Jessimae Peluso
| You can not put nobility in the bank. - William D. Lee
| Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves
it. -- Mark Twain
| All generalizations are false, including this one. -- Mark Twain
| Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
| Don't let schooling interfere with your education. -- Mark Twain
| In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
-- Mark Twain
| It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. -- Mark Twain
|First get your facts, then you can distort them at your leisure. - Mark Twain
| A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
-- Winston Churchill
|There is nothing so absurd that it cannot be believed as truth if repeated often enough. -- William James
|Correlation does not imply causation. -- Statistical Aphorism
| Do not confuse results with intent. - Paraphrased from Milton Friedman
|Every cause produces more than one effect. -- Herbert Spencer
|The cause is hidden, but the result is well known -- Ovid
|The reverse side also has a reverse side -- Japanese proverb
| The inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw
a man carrying an asthmatic pig under his arm.
Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the
purity of sound achieved by the pig. -- Alfred Hitchcock
| Golf is a game invented by
the same people who think music
comes out of a bagpipe. - Anonymous.
| I like pigs: cats look down on human beings, dogs look up to them, but pigs just treat
us as their equals. - Winston Churchill
| In a race, the quickest runner can never overtake the slowest, since
the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must
always hold a lead. - Aristotle,
paraphrasing Zeno of Elea
| That which is in locomotion must arrive at the half-way stage before
it arrives at the goal. (Travel over any finite distance can neither be completed
nor begun, and so all motion must be an illusion.) - Aristotle, paraphrasing Zeno
| If everything when it occupies an equal space is at rest, and if that which is in locomotion
is always occupying such a space at any moment, the flying arrow is therefore motionless. - Aristotle, paraphrasing Zeno of Elea
|Less is more - Ludwig Mies van der Rohe referring to the aesthetics of minimalist architectural
|Less is not more. More
is more. - Dolly Parton
|It costs a lot of money to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton
| When I talk to a man, I can always tell what he's thinking by where he is looking.
If he is looking at my eyes, he is looking for intelligence. If he is looking at my mouth,
he is looking for wisdom. But if he is looking anywhere else except my chest he's looking for another man. - Dolly Parton
| I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm
not blonde. - Dolly Parton
| Find out who you are, and do it on purpose. - Dolly Parton
|A need to devour, punish, humiliate or surrender seems to be a primal part of human nature, and it's certainly a big part of sex. - Charlotte Rampling
|Say what you mean and mean what you say - Paraphrased from Lewis Carroll as the March Hare
| To those who understand,
no explanation is necessary, to those
who do not understand, no explanation
is possible. - Traditional
| Man, if you gotta ask,
you'll never know. - Louis Armstrong
|If you have to ask if the earth moved, then it probably didn't. - The
| The Dwarf is a wisp of gossamer, the scent of lily of the valley, and the trumpet voice
of the penguin. - Jeffrey Sward
| Mental activity is like a deadly poisonous cobra. If we don’t interfere with a cobra, how poisonous it may be, it simply goes its own away. - Ajahn Chah
| Life is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a
buffalo in the wintertime, and the little shadow which runs across the grass and
loses itself in the sunset. -
|Short Version Basic Philosophy
|Laws of the
House of God
I. Gomers do not die.
II. Gomers go to ground.
III. At a cardiac arrest, the first procedure
is to take your own pulse.
IV. The patient is the one with the disease.
V. Placement comes first.
VI. Any body cavity can
be reached with a #14 needle and a good
VII. Age + Bun = Lasix dose.
VIII. They can always hurt you more.
IX. The only good admission is a dead
X. If you don't take a temperature, you
can't find a fever.
XI. Show me a Best Medical Student who only triples my
work and I will kiss his feet.
XII. If the radiology resident and the
Best Medical Student both see a lesion on the chest X-ray,
there can be no lesion there.
XIII. A turf to neurology never bounces.
XIV. The delivery of medical care is to
do as much nothing as possible.
- Samuel Shem, from a novel of the same name
|A sedated prepped body lying around unattended for five hours in a corridor near radiology will not be noticed.
-- Paddy Chayefsky, paraphrased from The Hospital
|Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?
|Haiku are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
- Rolf Nelson
| The canker blooms have
full as deep a dye
As the perfumed tincture of the roses.
- William Shakespeare
The crow doth sing as sweetly
as the lark,
When neither is attended, and
The nightingale, if she should
sing by day,
When every goose is cackling,
would be thought
No better a musician than the
How many things by season season'd
To their right praise and true
| Tell me where is fancy bred,
Or in the heart or in the head?
| What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
- William Shakespeare
| O, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!
The courtier's, soldier's, scholar's, eye, tongue,
The expectancy and rose of the fair state,
The glass of fashion and the mould of form,
The observed of all observers, quite, quite down!
- William Shakespeare
| Seeing too much sadness hath congeal'd your blood,
And melancholy is the nurse of frenzy:
Therefore they thought it good you hear a play
And frame your mind to mirth and merriment
- William Shakespeare
| For I have sworne thee fair, and thought thee bright
are as black as hell as dark as night
.- William Shakespeare
| She should have died
There would have been a time for such
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
- William Shakespeare
| The girls today in society,
Go for classical poetry,
So to win their hearts one must quote
Aeschylus and Euripides.
One must know Homer and, believe me, Bo,
Sophocles, also Sappho-ho!
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and
Dainty debbies will call you a dope.
But the poet of them all
Who will start ‘em simply ravin’
Is the poet people call
The bard of Stratford-on-Avon.
Brush up your Shakespeare
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
- Cole Porter